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The Kinky Report: March 16, 2012 - March 15, 2013

Introduction

On March 16, 2009, I began keeping a diary of sorts in order to capture information regarding my sexual exploits.  I published the statistics I was able to glean from that recorded data in March of 2010, March of 2011, and March of 2012. 

The following is a list of statistics from this year’s (3/16/12 – 3/15/13) data.  The diary is fairly accurate as I did a good job of consistently recording my exploits.  I believe I managed to record every sexual encounter I had during this time period. 

It should be noted that this was the third year a ‘bath house’ was open in Minneapolis.  I put that in quotes because it really isn’t an official business; rather it’s something of a best kept secret/underground sensation.  I’ve visited seven times during its first year of operation, compared to six times during its second year.  This year, I visited three times, during which I engaged in some form of sexual play 36 times – which accounts for 17% of my total sexual encounters during this time period.  The most sex I had during this time period also occurred at the bath house (17). 

I’m thinking it might be important to compare this year’s stats to last year’s, so the data will be presented in the following format: This Year’s Stat / Last Year’s Stat / Second Year’s Stat / First Year’s Stat

Stats

Closed for Business: 0 / 17/ 34 / 40

Stood Up: 7 / 7/ 15 / 8

No, Didn’t Find Anything or Not in the Mood: 248 (68% of Year) / 213 (58% of Year) 195 (53% of Year / 205 (56% of Year)

Number of Days I Did Look and Found: 117 (1.8 men per day, 32% of Year), 152 (2.4 men per day, 42% of Year) / 170 (2.3 Men per Day, 47% of Year) / 160 (1.7 Men per Day, 44% of Year)

Total Number of Times I Participated in Sexual Activity: 215 / 368 / 388 / 267 (42% decrease from previous year!)  

Activity

No Cum: Number of Times Guys Failed or Chose Not to Cum: 69 / 157 / 99/ 38 (56% decrease)

Barebacking 88 (41% of all sexual encounters)

Flip Flop: 1 / 7 / 4 / 6 (86% decrease)

Me Top: 4 / 17 / 12 / 16 (76% decrease)

Oral on Me: 57 / 81 / 76 / 18 (30% decrease)

Oral:  96 / 187 / 181 / 148 (49% decrease)

Anal: 6 / 29 / 25 / 4 (79% decrease)

Oral and Anal: 92 / 113 / 137 / 92 (19% decrease)

Kiss: 84 / 99 / 125 / 65 (15% decrease)

Rim (me or them): 33 / 34 / 56 / 26 (3% decrease)

J/O: 25 / 37 / 46 / 19 (32% decrease)

Menage a trios: 6/ 23 / 28 /12 (74% decrease)

Group Activity: 3 / 8 / 15 / 5 (63 % decrease)

Blindfolded: 6 / 10 / 33 / 35 (40% decrease)

Location

Total Outdoors: 89 (41% of all sexual activity for year) / 170 (46% of all sexual activity for year) / 162 (42% of all sexual activity for year) / 160 (60% of all sexual activity for year) (48% decrease)

Bog/Wirth: 9 / 13 /27 / 50 (31% decrease)

Prairie: 20 / 35 / 81 / 74 (43% decrease)

St Paul: 0 / 0 / 0 / 3 (remained the same as the previous year)

East River Road: 59 / 115 / 54 / 33 (47% decrease)

Car: 14 / 34 / 29 / 14 (At the listed parks) (59% decrease)

Total Indoors: 126 (59% of all sexual activity for the year) / 198 (54% of all sexual activity for the year) / 226 (58% of all sexual activity for the year) / 107 (40% of all sexual activity for the year) (12% decrease)

Rehab House: 3 / 4 /48 / 33 (25% decrease)

My Place: 4 / 8 / 13 / 11 (50% decrease)

Their Place: 45 / 40 / 54 / 47 (13% increase)

Hotel: 4 / 3 / 14 / 4 (33% decrease)

Public (Garage, Restroom, Sauna, Gym, or Their Office, Bath House): 62 / 130 / 77 / 12 (52% decrease)

Garage: 9 / 15 / 20 (40% decrease)

The Experience

Exceptional: 32 (15% of experiences) / 46 (13% of experiences) / 46 (12% of experiences) /28 (10.5% of experiences)

Good: 62 (29% of experiences) / 104 (28% of experiences) / 99 (26% of experiences) / 74 (27.5% of experiences)

Average: 97 (45% of experiences) / 165 (45% of experiences) / 182 (47% of experiences) / 108 (40.5% of experiences)

Bad: 22 (11% of experiences) / 51 (14% of experiences) / 61 (16% of experiences) / 57 (21% of experiences)

Repeat: 82 (38% of experiences) / 133 (36% of experiences) / 115 (30% of experiences) / 122 (46% of experiences)

Race

White: 172 (80%) / 314 (85%) / 335 (86%) / 225 (84%)

Black: 22 (10%) / 15 (4%) / 18 (5%) / 20 (7.5%)

Asian: 7 (3%) / 17 (5%) / 5 (1%) / 2 (1%)

East Indian: 1 (.5%) / 2 (1%) / 6 (2%) / 6 (2%)

Hispanic: 13 (6%) / 18 (5%) / 24 (6%) / 14 (5%)

Size

Over 8: 30 (9 of which were over 9”) (14%), 58 (15 of which were over 9”) (16%) / 62 (16%) / 54 (20%)

7 to 8: 73 (34%) / 136 (37%) / 114 (29%) / 99 (37%)

Under 7: 82 (7-6) and 29 (52%) (< 6) / 122 (7-6) and 49 (< 6) (46%) / 144 (7 to 6) and 68 (< 6) (55%) / 114 (43%)

Age

20’s: 27 (13%) / 30 (8%) / 53 (14%) / 35 (13%)

30’s: 33(15%) / 75 (20%) / 98 (25%) / 74 (28%)

40’s: 69 (32%) / 141 (38%) / 167 (43%) / 102 (38%)

50’s: 76 (35%) / 103 (28%) / 60 (15%) / 53 (20%)

60’s: 10 (5%) / 14 (4%) / 10 (3%) / 3 (1%)

Physical Condition

Excellent Shape: 62 (29%) / 65 (18%) / 80 (21%) / N/A

Good Shape: 71 (33%) / 151 (41%) / 148 (38%) / 89 (33%) – (Means: This year 228 were in Good or Excellent Shape, which accounts for 59% of all experiences)

Okay Shape: 65 (30%) / 114 (31%) / 123 (32%) / 124 (46%)

Bad Shape: 17 (8%) / 33 (9%) / 37 (9%) / 54 (20%)

Long Time: 36 (17%) / (over an hour): 32 / 29 / N/A

Handsome: 60 (28%) / 78 (21%) / 98 (25%) / 64 (24%)

Bald: 32 (15%) 35 (10%) / 41 (11%) / 42 (16%)

Definition of Terms

Closed for Business: 0

I put off a bunch of medical stuff this year.  I’m not sure why.  It has something to do with the inconvenience and the planning necessary.  I also simply didn’t want to do all the things my doctor wanted me to do.  I’ve grown wary of medications and procedures. 

Stood Up: 7

These are occasions when I had plans with an individual and that individual failed to show.  This would not necessarily sour my mood and curtail activities for that day, but typically, it did.  I have less patience for people who behave this way. 

No, Didn’t Find Anything or Not in the Mood:  248

Data failed to distinguish between these two reasons for lack of sexual activity.

Flip Flop: 1

Describes occasions when an individual would perform anal sex as a top with me in the role of bottom and then I would perform anal sex as a top with them in the role of bottom.

Me Top: 4

Times I served as the only top during the encounter, describing occasions when I would perform anal sex as a top with them in the role of bottom.

Oral on Me: 57

Occasions when I received oral sex from another – this may, or may not have been done in conjunction with other types of sexual activity.

Oral: 96

Occasions when the only activity engaged in, other than kissing, fondling or frottage, was me performing oral sex on an individual

Anal: 6

Occasions when the only activity engaged in was me being topped by (receiving anal sex or bottoming) an individual (no kissing, fondling or frottage).

Oral and Anal: 92

Occasions when I performed oral sex on and individual and received anal sex from the same individual.

Kiss: 84

Occasions when kissing was involved.

Rim (me or them): 33

Occasions when rimming was involved and I performed it on them and/or they performed it on me.

J/O: 25

Occasions when masturbation (mutual or solo) – this may, or may not have been done in conjunction with other types of sexual activity.

Menage a trios: 6

Occasions when two individuals and myself participated in sexual activities with one another at the same time.

Group Activity: 3

Occasions when 3 or more individuals and myself participated in sexual activities with one another at the same time. Least number present (includes self) to qualify as Group Activity: 4. 

Blindfolded: 6

Occasions when I wore a blindfold during sexual activity.  Typical scenario featured me wearing blindfold before other(s) arrived, until other(s) departed.

Total Outdoors: 89

Number of sexual encounters that took place outside, typically in wooded areas

Bog/Wirth: 9, Prairie: 20, St Paul: 0, East River Road: 59

Parks/Wooded Areas where sexual activity took place

Car: 14 (At the listed parks)

This number in included in the number of total outdoor sexual encounters and is accounted for as they related to the park/wooded area where initial contact and subsequent agreement to engage in sexual activity took place.

Total Indoors: 126

Number of sexual encounters that took place indoors (Private House or Public Building)

Rehab House: 3

Occasions when an individual(s) would come to a house I was rehabbing for the purposes of sexual activity

Hotel: 4

Scenario where I traveled to their (out of town visitor) hotel room, here in the Twin Cities

Public (Garage, Restroom, Sauna, Gym, or Their Office): 71 (15 of which were in a garage)

Occasions when sex took place in a non-traditional location other than outdoors

The Experience (Exceptional: 32, Good: 62, Average: 97, Bad: 22)

These ratings are defined by my personal likes and dislikes as relating to sexual activity and/or the physical attributes or behavior of the individual(s) involved.  Ratings are of a purely subjective nature.

Repeat: 82

Occasions when I engaged in sexual activity with a given individual on more than one occasion. It includes individuals with whom I engaged in sexual activity with prior to the beginning of the defined year, but had occasion to have engage in sexual activity during the defined year. 

Size (Over 8: 30, 7 to 8: 73, 7-6: 82, Under 6: 29)

As it relates to the length of an individuals fully erect penis in units of inches. Measurements based on personal visual determination or claims of individual as stated in emails and then verified via personal visual determination. (Note: First year there was not a category labeled “Under 6”, First and Second years there was not a category labeled “Over 9”.)

Age (20’s:  27, 30’s: 33, 40’s:  69, 50’s:  76, 60’s: 10)

In terms of years, based on personal visual determination or claims of individual as stated in emails or during conversation and then verified via personal visual determination.

Physical Condition:

As it relates to an individual’s body in terms of muscle tone, percentage of body fat and a visual determination of physical health.  Determination subjective in nature. (Note: The first year there was not a category labeled “Excellent”.)

Excellent Shape: 62

Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: Very Muscular Physique, Washboard Abs.  A build that could be described as Extremely Athletic or Very Muscular.

Good Shape: 71

Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: Muscular Physique, Toned Physique, Low % of Body Fat, Flat Abdomen.  A Build that could be described as: Muscular, Toned, Trim, Worked-Out, Somewhat Worked-Out, Buff, Swimmers, Thin, Wiry, Athletic, Jock, Slim, Twink

Okay Shape: 65

Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: A Somewhat Muscular Physique, A Somewhat Toned Physique, Average to Somewhat More Than Average % of Body Fat, A Slightly Protruding Belly (Hard). A Build that could be described as: Beefy, Bear, Average,

Bad Shape: 17

Individual displayed one or more of the following attributes: A Lack of Muscular Tone, More Than Average to Excessive % of Body Fat, A Distended Belly (Soft). A Build that could be described as: Flabby, Large, Big, Fat, Obese, Soft, Unkempt

Long Time: 36

Sexual encounters that lasted over an hour in length

Handsome: 60

As it relates to the construction and contours of an individuals face, determination subjective in nature.

Bald: 32

Includes individuals with shaved, closely buzzed or naturally bald heads. Does not include individuals who are balding or have an “eagles nest” hair style. 

Observations / Conclusions

I had 153 less sexual experiences this year than the year previous, resulting in a 42% drop in activity. 

I’m very proud of that.  It means I have a handle on my sexual compulsivity.  And if you think the numbers are low this year, wait until you see next year’s.  Why?  Because it was only near the end of summer 2012 that I started getting choosy.  That’s right, I’ve developed standards. 

Another contributing factor in this decrease?  I have grown weary of all the prep involved.  It seems, as I age, I am having to do more and more maintenance work.  It’s not just the douching.  It’s the shaving and trimming and oiling.  Frequently?  I find myself weighing whether all that effort is going to be worth whatever trick I am considering getting it on with.  And this is not just on the weekdays – but prime weekend fuck time, when the most dudes are on-line looking for a little something something.  Many a Friday night during the winter months I find myself in the chatrooms, striking up conversations, but with no intention of hooking up.  I don’t lead people on, I tell them right up front that I am not really looking.  Still they ask.

And they do ask.

In the past week (and these stats go towards next year’s report), I got hit on an average of three times a day, thanks to Grindr and Scruff, along with my new stable of regulars, but I only played with one dude, one time.

Bottom line: 248 days this year I simply was not in the mood – that’s 68% of the year.  Wow.

Okay, maybe that has to do with getting older, but I don’t think so.  I think it has to do with being more likely to let the boys pass on by.  At the end of the summer I found myself sitting on my blanket a lot more, less likely to go running after possible tricks. I was even turning down sure things.  I just don’t feel the need to prove that part of myself anymore.  Which is why I say, if you think my numbers are slipping this year, wait until you get a load of next year’s. 

That said, if you look at the physical condition of my tricks, the quality, percentage-wise, is on the rise.  Another indication that I’m getting picky.

Other than that, I didn’t see any significant change percentage-wise.  Totals are on the decrease, but percentage per total remains pretty consistent.  What can I say, I like what I like

Oh, the number of big dicks (over 8) fell.  That’s because I wrote off two of my regulars this year – both nine inchers.  Blocked them on all the sites we share and stopped taking their texts or calls.  I didn’t like the way they treated me.  Sometimes, I would be waiting outside of their place, in my car, waiting for them to get back to me.  I was where they told me to be.  They would just choose to stand me up or play some dick ass mind game.  Well, fuck them.  There are more big dicked dudes out there.

I was surprised to see that I only visited the bathhouse three times during this period.  I certainly intended on going more, but it has to do with that Friday night, sit-on-my-ass, tired from the week, thing.  Yes, I could take a nap and go later, but I don’t.  It’s a fun scene, but not something I feel compelled to experience on a weekly or even monthly basis. 

So, maybe you find these numbers still rather on the high end.  I get that.  I am a very sexual person, and have spent the past four years exploring a lot of stuff (still crossing stuff of my sexual bucket list).  But there is a definite trend here, and I suspect next year, my numbers will look almost normal for a sexually adventurous, technically savvy dude like myself. 

Three years ago?  My focus was on sex.  Today?  Not so much.  I have other irons in the fire, and lots of responsibilities.  So, maybe for the first time in my life I realize, it’s not all about me.  Which, for a narcissist like myself, is a huge change.

That said, I seem happier, less manic, more content. And, I suspect, I will grow only more so in the coming year.

Of course, summer is coming.  Less clothing, more sunning, more time outdoors….

…hey, I didn’t say I was gonna become a nun.

Part 5, Finale: Best Made Plans and Bucket Lists

Making my way down to my locker in the basement, I had no idea what to expect.  I decided to walk around and take the temperature of the place before committing to taking a Viagra; the pills are expensive and I didn’t want to waste them on a situation that may or may not pan out. 

There were a few new arrivals.  A blond, slim, muscular dude who had popped in and out earlier in the day; there’s something shady about him.  His demeanor is very defensive, as if his force fields are up full-power in order to avoid interacting with others.  Drugs?  Alcohol?  I can’t be sure.  We talk briefly, seated on the futon in the back, and later in the evening he appears in the video room, making a promise he never delivers, though, ultimately, we never connect.

There’s also a cute, young, granola type; slim, pert ass, nice body.  He has very long, dark hair pulled back in a ponytail and an odd tramp stamp above his ass; neither of which I find very appealing.  Still, his dick is hard as a rock as he walks around stark naked.  As I’m seated on the futon, he cruises me three times before giving up.  I don’t know quite what to make of him, so I don’t make a move.  Later in the evening, he gets it on with one of the silver-haired daddies, the tallest of the bunch.  They go in a room behind the video room and re-emerge twenty minutes later, after which, the granola type showers, dresses, and leaves, his dick still hard as a rock.

Dewey and Mr. Wonderful disappeared around dinner time.  I notice now that they have returned and emptied their lockers.  Maybe it’s true love and they are now married, living happily ever after.  Personally, I’d rather stick knitting needles in my ears than have to listen to Dewey’s inane patter, but, hey, to each their own, right?  There’s somebody out there for everyone, I guess.

Surveying the rooms, I notice a bottom with his ass in the air, framed nicely in the doorway to his room.   I pass by several times and am not tempted.  He looks to be in good shape, nice hairless ass, but not my scene.  Never has been.  The two college-types are back from the bar.  They had a wonderful time; great crowd, top-40 music.  I promise to check it out the next time I visit. 

Returning to my locker, I glance at the time.   It’s 1:30 am.  Where did the time go?  Weighing my options, I come to realize that this is it, the last of my vacation.  Heaven knows when I will be able to get away again.  All my obligations await me back home, each needing their special amount of attention and time.  Shrugging my shoulders, I decide to just go for it.  I fish through my shaving kit and locate my ‘Precious’: a vial of prescription Viagra, 100 mg.  My doctor told me to cut the pills in fourths and to experiment.  I’ve taken Viagra in the past.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.  I think, for me, it has to do with protein intake.  I had some fatty Kung Pao Chicken earlier (not the thing to eat with Viagra), but have kept very well hydrated.  It’s been several hours since I last used poppers, also a no-no with Viagra, so I feel pretty confident about using it without risking any negative side effects.  Having a cardiac arrest is not the way I would like my vacation to end.

Biting one of the pills in half, I store away the rest.  I check my ass, and have no idea what to expect; not in regards to the rest of my stay at the Sauna, or the Viagra.  I walk around a bit more.  The steam room is empty.  The same dudes are occupying the tiny, private rooms.  That leaves the vid room. For some reason I decide to take the rest of the Viagra before venturing inside. 

 I walk in.  There sits The Hunk, playing with his dick.  He smiles. Plopping my ass next to him, it’s like teleporting to the past, as he leans over and offers me his bottle of poppers.  I decline, for reasons only known to me.  We sit and watch the video.  It’s a good one.  Outdoors, on a ranch, scruffy looking dudes with nice bods, but real, too.  The action morphs into a gang bang of sorts, with one bottom being passed around.  It’s just enough to get me going.   I feel that wonderful, familiar stir in my loins.  Houston, we have lift-off!

I force The Hunks mouth down on my dick.  Suddenly my confidence is through the ceiling.  Amazing what a little pharmaceutical aid can do.  Soon, I’m standing and fucking his face.  The two dudes who are sitting in the room depart quickly.  The door to the video room is now propped open.  The Hunk asks me if I care if anybody sees, and I’m like, ‘Fuck yeah, let ‘em watch.’  My cock feels great and I move The Hunk’s ass around so I can fuck him while watching the vid.  That’s when I notice this little mirror propped up on a table.  Repositioning ourselves, we’re now both able to watch my dick plow his hole.  One of the college-aged kids walk in, the tall one, he watches for a bit, jerking on his dick, and then moves on.  A couple of others walk in, too.  I love being watched, especially when I’m confident and in good form.

The Hunk’s body is a thing of wonder.  His bubble butt looks fantastic riding my cock.  I give it a good smack or two every once in a while, just to keep him motivated.  I love the curve of his back and the way his chest v’s out from his waist.  Massive shoulders and arms; he’s an ideal porn dude in miniature. 

I change stuff up just enough to keep it interesting.  The Hunk is loving it, throwing lots of compliments my way, feeding my ego.  I figure he’s happy just to have a dick up his ass.  He’s on all fours, then I make him stand.  We’re both being total narcissists, checking out ourselves in the mirror.  At this point the thin, blonde muscle dude walks in and watches.  He plays with himself under his towel.  The Hunk asks him if he’s up for a little three-way action, and the blonde says sure, and then bolts from the room, explaining that he needs to get something from his locker.  Again, I suspect drug use and I have no interest in really playing with the blonde, but The Hunk is optimistic, so I decide to go with the flow.

 At the half hour mark, I feel the great rush approaching and pull out.  I don’t want to lose my load just yet.  We are both gasping for breath, which surprises me, for I didn’t realize we were expending that much energy.   We watch the video and wait for the blonde’s return.  He never reappears, and I never catch sight of him again. 

For some reason, my dick begins to flag, going from rock hard to semi-hard.  It’s disappointing and I am beginning to regret not creaming The Hunk’s hole when I had the chance.  We leave the vid room and I walk around a bit again.  I notice that there is someone lying on the bed in my favorite room.  He’s on his back, which means he’s probably not a bottom, and his body looks to be in good shape.  In these situations, I usually just hover near the doorway for no more than a minute.  If an invitation is not forthcoming, then I simply move on.  I’m about to do exactly that, when The Hunk appears behind me.

“Hey, Darryl, you up for some company?” 

Clearly, this is someone that The Hunk knows.  Darryl answers affirmatively, and The Hunk asks, “You up for a little three-way company?”  I don’t wait for an answer, I just follow The Hunk into the room. 

The door is closed and the fun begins.  I move on up and take Darryl’s dick into my mouth.  It’s seven inches, and nice.  His body is nice, too.  He’s lying on his back, and it’s dark, a black light providing the only light in the room, so I can’t make out his face.  I suck on his dick and get hard.  Soon, The Hunk is sucking on me.  Without any sense of who this dude is, I move on up for a kiss.  His cock is hard and I know exactly what I want to do.  I straddle him and lower my hole onto his cock, kissing him the entire time.  He indicates his pleasure and soon I’m bouncing and he’s thrusting, as The Hunk leans in and tries to suck my dick. 

After a bit, I stop, dismount and feed Darryl my dick.  I move so that I can fuck his face.  As I’m doing this, The Hunk moves in and eats my ass.  The Hunk then guides my ass back onto Darryl’s dick.  My knees are just starting to bother me a bit, so I roll Darryl up to a sitting position.  He takes this as his cue to fuck me missionary style, and with little effort, I soon find my back flat on the bed with my legs in the air. 

That’s when I recognize Darryl.  He’s the older dude with the nice body that The Hunk was playing with earlier in the evening.  He’s a nice, affable guy.  Maybe, he’s my age, maybe a little older.  He has a full head of hair and I get right away that he’s a go-with-the-flow kind of guy, and that suits what I have in mind to a ‘T’.  As Darryl is fucking my hole, The Hunk is leaning against the wall, huffing poppers and making comments.  Like I said, before, I like being watched, whether I’m a top or a bottom.   The other thing?   Typically, as soon as a dick enters my ass, my dick takes the hint and retreats – but not today, and that gives me a stellar idea.

Darryl wants a bit of a break, so we disengage.  I pull The Hunk up on the bed and start fucking him doggy style.  As I am pounding his hole, I announce that it’s time to cross something off my bucket list… I want to be fucked as I am fucking someone.  Being piggy in the middle is something that is difficult to pull off for me, for the reason cited above.  But Viagra is a game changer.  I’m feeling totally confident, certain in my ability to pull this one off.

I still for a moment, with my dick inside The Hunk.  Darryl gets behind me, and, after some careful negotiations and adjustments, he enters my hole.  It takes us a couple of tries before we find a rhythm that works. I come to realize that it’s really important for me to take my cue to thrust from Darryl’s.  Once we get the hang of it, we move in sync like the workings of a clock.  I’m loving it, and especially because I am confident that I am in total control, not only of my dick, but also my orgasm. 

After about ten minutes of playing piggy, I decide to return the favor and fuck Darryl.  He’s not much of a bottom, he tells me, but he’s game.  On his back, he protests a little at first, and it takes him a bit to adjust to my width, but once I’m in, it’s game on.  I fuck him for about ten minutes when, much to my surprise, The Hunk finds his balls, moves behind me, and mounts my ass in a reverse of the piggy in the middle we’d just enjoyed.  He’s getting off over taking my ass and I enjoy his enthusiasm, though it doesn’t last long.  I then announce that I am crossing that item off my bucket list.

This gets The Hunk thinking about his own bucket list.  He wants to be double fucked.  One problem: it seems that Darryl’s dick performs pretty much like mine in a similar situation; once a dick enters his ass, his cock is done for the day.  But we want to humor The Hunk, so I lie on my back and he prepares to straddle my dick while facing me.  I have to explain to him how this is supposed to work, based on the vids I have seen on line.  Then Darryl is supposed to slide his dick in from behind as The Hunk leans forward.  Well, there’s a couple of issues: 1/ The Hunk’s height prevents him from leaning forward enough to offer up his hole to Darryl while keeping my dick inside, and 2/ Darryl’s dick is not cooperating.   So, then the Hunk decides he knows a better way.  He wants us dick to dick.  I tried this once with a couple of tops and it was a no go, but I give it the good old college try.  This proves just as unsuccessful as our first attempt and I decide to move on… I still need to nut.   But not before The Hunk decides that I need to try fisting him again while he sucks Darryl.  Halfheartedly, I play along up until a point, and that would be my knuckles.  I explain that I think we were pretty lucky the first time and maybe we should give the whole fisting thing a rest.  Hey, we did it once, so it’s off the bucket list, right?

Moving onto the floor, I bend The Hunk over and go ape shit on his ass, pounding away for all I’m worth.  He’s having a good time and Darryl is enjoying the show.  For some reason I am rock hard, but nowhere close to cumming, a real rarity for me as a top. I announce that I am like the energizer bunny tonight, and fuck on and on and on…

With great focus and concentration, I give myself permission and am able to send my jizz up my shaft before blowing it deep into The Hunk’s hungry, well-fucked hole.  And… that’s all she wrote folks.  I am done for the night.  The excitement of the moment carries me to the showers and up the stairs to my room.  Grabbing my blanket, I notice it’s 3:30 am, with checkout being 9:30.  I am satiated and totally spent, but happy as hell.  Proud of myself, I curl up in my blanket and in no time flat drift into a deep, deep sleep.

I awake screaming. 

It’s morning , and someone is knocking on the door.  I have no idea where I am.  The voice on the other side of the locked door says, “Hey, you okay?”  I say, ‘yes’, still unsure what is up.  “Okay, just checking.”  My mind races.  It must be checkout time. Did I oversleep?  I grab my towel and check my phone, which is now totally charged again.  It’s 7:30 am.  I have a full two hours.  Hitting the bathroom first, I brush my teeth and shave, before heading down to the showers in the basement.  I could use the one in my personal sauna, but, hell, I might miss something.  I pass the breakfast buffet on my way to the showers.  It’s been replenished; lots of sugar and caffeine and not my thing. As I’m showering, Darryl and The Hunk appear, on their way into the video room. 

“You okay?  When I knocked on your door you were screaming.”  Ah, so, it wasn’t the night clerk asking me to checkout, it was Darryl looking for some more fun.  They disappear into the video room, and I don’t even bother saying good-bye, which, I know I should, but, I figure I might as well just hit the road and get home as soon as possible. 

It’s been a long week.  I buy some snacks and water for the road and leave the night clerk a nice tip.  In my morning daze, I recall the incredible job that I did as a pharmaceutically-enhanced top.  It was the perfect way to end my vacation, and a typical way to end a stay at The Duluth Family Sauna: on a high note.

The drive home is short and simple.  I stay awake recounting my adventures over the past six days and am pretty proud of myself.  I had more than enough sex, and, for the most part, the sex was high quality.  Out of the six guys I played with, there was only one I sort of regretted and would not play with again.  And, while the thing I most wanted to cross off my sexual bucket list did not come to pass, at least I got the piggy in the middle thing taken care of.  Come to think of it, that probably was not the first time I ever played piggy in the middle, but, let’s pretend it was. 

Do I have any regrets?  Only the stuff that didn’t work out.  Would I do it all again?

You bet your sweet ass I would. (And will!)

Part 4: Best Made Plans and Bucket Lists

Walking into that tiny, dark room, I have no idea what to expect, except I know it has to be better than anything that has taken place in the previous eight hours.  Eight hours is a long time to be in nookie heaven and get no nookie.  For me, a typical day at the Sauna, which usually ends after about six hours, has always been rife with sexual possibilities.  Maybe it is the fact that I am still coming down from my escapades on Friday night that, though disappointing on some levels, has left me satiated enough where I feel I can afford to remain a bit picky; which is odd, because, until recently, I did not have very many (as in any) standards. 

The Hunk more than meets my approval.  I like short, dominate dudes and in many ways he’s a bit out of my out of my league.  Inside my head, I pray that I will be worthy of his attention.  Once the door is closed, he asks, “You like your ass eaten?” 

“Fuck, yeah,” I reply, and get up on all fours on the bed and present my ass.  Handing me a bottle of poppers, he gets down on his knees, spreads my ass cheeks and goes to town, making comments the whole time about what a great hole I have.  The poppers are good, some brand I’ve never seen and, having taken a hit, I hand them back to him. 

Next thing I know, The Hunk is up on the bed with me, fingering my hole.  I roll over onto my back and he hunkers down on top of me.  We kiss.  I admire his arms and handsome face.  Nice jaw.  A little scruff.  Great head of hair.  I suspect he is in his mid-to-late thirties and he reminds me, looks-wise, of one of my current favorite television crushes: Jake M. Johnson, from ‘New Girl’.  Except The Hunk’s nose is actually quite petite and picture perfect.  He also has the same kind of charm and energy that actor exhibits.  There’s something a tad manic about The Hunk, but his masculinity keeps it in check.

Here’s what I learn, in short order, throughout my upcoming evening in The Hunk’s company:

 - The first time he fucked around with a guy was when he was twenty-seven, and the dude was a priest.  Before that, he fucked a lot of woman.

 - He is highly sexual, but he is not a slut.  In fact, he has not had sex with anyone for several weeks before coming to the Sauna tonight.  And don’t call him a whore, because apparently that word has negative connotations and he does not want to be confused for one.

 - He is not a sex addict.

 - He doesn’t do drugs (except for poppers), and he doesn’t drink alcohol.

 - When at the gym, he does not cruise other dudes and if they cruise him, he hasn’t notice, because he doesn’t pay attention to such things.

 - He’s lived in Duluth his whole life (which explains a lot of the above).
Oh, and most importantly… he’s primarily a bottom!

I figure out this last fact once we are face to face on the bed, grinding uglies.  His balls are real sensitive, so he is fairly protective of how they are handled.  And then he tells me about some of the items on his sexual bucket list – a total surprise to me, because, if you recall, that is what my somewhat aborted gang bang the previous night in Madison had been all about for me – my bucket list. 

Turns out The Hunk would like to be: fisted, double fucked, and pissed in while someone is fucking him.  Well, I am certain I will not be able to help him with the latter two requests, but for some reason I contemplate the idea of fisting him – something I have never done before.  But first, my dick is hard as a bat and needs some attention, which The Hunk is only too happy to supply in the form of his sweet, charming mouth gliding up and down it.  He likes my dick and I settle into the idea of being a dom top, even though I had planned on being a total bottom pig slut.

After he slurps on my monster for a bit, I get up behind him and tease his hole with the head of my dick and a finger.  Taking in his magnificently sculpted little body – a real man’s body, with a perfect ‘V’ shape chest tapering to a tiny waist, shoulders and arms to die for, great thighs and calves, and a muscled ass that my tongue longs to abuse, I contemplate my attack.  I decide to indulge my tongue’s desires first.  And I do.  Eating him expertly, like his hole is a pussy and I’m a big old ‘vadge’ hound. 

Seems I have gotten over whatever reluctance I may have once possessed in relation to eating hole.  If you have ever bothered to read my Acquired Taste entry regarding rimming (which I plan on updating someday soon), just let me say, the reluctant, prissy dude that wrote that post no longer exists; when it comes to eating ass, I am far from squeamish.  In fact, I take it as a personal challenge to be as good at eating ass as I am at deepthroating dick. 

Lavishing all sorts of attention on this dude’s pucker is a total pleasure.  Hitting the poppers like a true poppers whore, he lets me have my way, letting me know full well every time I hit a sweet spot.  My dick is still hard, despite the performance anxiety that is starting to take root in my brain, and I am playing with myself the entire time, keeping it up for what I know must  be my eventual and ultimate duty.

After sucking ass until my jaw and tongue are plumb tuckered out, I pull back and again admire The Hunk’s form.  Fingering his ass, he encourages me to do much more.  Surprising myself, I decide, what the fuck, why not go for it?  The Hunk hands me a bottle of lube and I liberally apply some to his well-eaten hole.  His hole is sweet-looking and unblemished; tight as an eighteen year old virgin’s.  I start slow, with one finger and work my way up to three.  We are in constant communication with one another throughout, checking in with one another, so I know just how far to take it.  Folding my hand in a bit, I am able to get the fourth finger in there and I work that in and out, up to the knuckles.  The Hunk is sucking down the poppers the entire time, telling me how much he is enjoying all this. 

A while ago, I researched and wrote an Acquire Taste entry about fisting, and that information serves me well on this night.  No, I do not have a rubber glove on, which I guiltily keep in mind the entire time as I open him up, as wearing one is a definite safety must.  I did just clip my fingernails down to the quick, so, while I don’t think I am in danger of scraping him with them, I am still conscious of the damage one false move could possibly do.  Reminding myself constantly to be patient, my hand forms the bird beak suggested by the experts and soon my thumb joins its brethren inside this dude’s anal canal.  My hand is in there up to the knuckles and it’s here where I get totally stumped.

Some hands are simply too big to fist first timers.  Is that the case here?  I don’t know.  I’ve never done this before and never intended to, ever.  The Hunk is assuring me that everything feels great and is giving me the go ahead.  He really wants to cross this off his bucket list.  It’s at this point that I realize that we have been doing all of this with a minimal amount of lube.  The Hunk requests more lube.  I reach down to retrieve the bottle from the bed and… it’s empty!

WTF?  Turns out, The Hunk passed me a full bottle of brand new lube minus the cap.  I assumed it was one of those squeeze bottles - it was not.  The entire bottle of lube is now coating the polyester cover on the bed.  So, with no other lube in sight, you think that two dudes with no previous fisting experience would call it a night and move onto something else, right?  Oh, no.  The Hunk will not have it.  We are plowing forward, lube or no lube. 

Back on the bed, I quickly pick up where we left off.  The resistance that I am feeling suggests that this is an issue about rear pelvic bone placement and that there is no way I am going to get my hand beyond the knuckles past this certain point.  I enter bird beak style and then curl my fingers down, over my thumb – this keeps my hand as narrow as possible, while ensuring that my finger nails can do no damage.

Something about this reminds me of pulling a calf out of a cow on the farm.  Not to belabor this, but when a calf is turned the wrong way, sometimes you have no option but to reach in and help correct the situation.  It pays to be very brave in that situation and feel your way through the process.  Well, those same sensory skills kind of apply here; that along with lots of patience.  And that is exactly how I proceed.

At this point, The Hunk says to me “I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.”  There is a touch of panic in his voice and I consider pulling the plug on this whole thing.  I suggest just that, but he insists he wants to continue.  And we do.  Very slowly.  But I reach a point where, I’m not seeing any other way for this to go.  That’s when The Hunk starts bearing down and I start pushing in.  I’m not going to lie, the entire time I am thinking – this all might be huge mistake.

But the universe, or our guardian angels, or whatever, decide otherwise and suddenly those bones part and my hand slips in up to the wrist.  The stress and pressure felt insurmountable, but somehow, I make it through.  Now, keep in mind that The Hunk is a little guy.  I do, and know that my wrist is about as far up as I am willing to go.  That said, I have fun in there, and The Hunk, who has sucked down a ton of poppers, is loving it.  I play with expanding my fist, pushing in just slightly, pulling back just slightly, and twisting my fist.  This last move has The Hunk telling me exactly what works for him and what does not.  Then The Hunk decides to try sitting on my fist, a little problematic given our height differences, but he manages some, though, again, I never allow him to push beyond my wrist.  The idea of wearing The Hunk like a sock puppet kind of appeals to me and I find my dick revving up again.  And just in time, too.

The Hunk is now ready to move on to the main course.  Carefully and slowly, I reverse the process and remove my fist from his hole.  No blood, no foul, no injury.  We are truly lucky first timers.   Stupid, yes, but lucky all the same.  The Hunk is grateful.  He loved it and can now cross it off his bucket list.  I tell him that was my first time, too - and he refuses to believe me.  Again... we were just damn lucky nothing bad happened.

Wasting no more time, I pull his ass to the end of the bed, stand on the floor, and, bending slightly at the knees, proceed to fuck him royally.  I vary the tempo and intensity, but treat him like the bitch whore I believe he wants to be.  Smacking his ass is something this dude definitely does not object to, and I find myself really getting off on the controlling dominant aspects of our play.  Also, his muscled bubble but looks fucking awesome getting spanked repeatedly: real hard. 

Now, keep in mind, that at this point in my life, I am a total bottom.  But I manage to pull being a top off for a full fifteen minutes of prime ramming and jamming before ultimately jamming all over the insides of this man’s fine ass. He’s appreciative for sure, but greedy, too.  He immediately asks me if I’m ready to piss in him.  This is something I have had requests for in the past.  It is not something that I, being somewhat pee shy, am capable of doing, so I beg off with a laugh.   He’s cool.  We assess the mess of lube that is soaking into the top of the polyester on top of the bed, and he informs me I owe him a bottle of lube.  Fine, I tell him I happen to have an extra tube of lube – medical grade – that he can have.  This morphs into a discussion regarding the various merits of certain lubes, as we grab out towels and hit the showers. 

I can’t get over just what a little muscle hunk he is, or get over the darkness of his tan.  It’s a pity that his dick is small, doesn’t seem to get all that hard, and that he has no interest in being a top, for I would love for him to dom me.  Much to my surprise, because at this point I assume him to be one of those ‘one-is-never-enough’ dudes, there to get fucked, not make friends, The Hunk ends up engaging me in actual conversation and becomes my guide to life after hours at The Duluth Family Sauna.

Turns out I was wrong about sleeping in the basement.  After 10:00 pm, the dudes in the basement have free run of the facility, including the rooms on the main floor.  It’s now well after 11:00 pm.  That means The Hunk and I played for an hour and a half.   The Hunk takes me upstairs and gives me the full tour.  He points out the best room in the place and tells me I should take it.  This surprises me, for if it is indeed the best room in the place, why would he not want it for himself?   Because, guess what?  The Hunk is a REALLY nice guy.  Of course, I don’t know this quite yet.  He tells me he will sit in the room until I go grab my stuff from my locker downstairs.  Sweet, right?  I do as he suggests.

So, here are the special features of the rooms upstairs at the Duluth Family Sauna:

- Large Television with free cable, plenty to watch.
-  A VCR/DVD player, if you have something you’d like to watch.
- A CD/Radio/Tape player.
-  Nice, wood paneled walls (at least my room).
-  A double bed (at least my room)
- A vanity with large rounded mirror (think 1940’s) at the end of the bed for perfect, playtime viewing.
- A door with a lock on it (though no key, so it can only be locked from the inside).
- A chair (at least in my room).
-  And… best of all, YOUR OWN PRIVATE SAUNA with shower!

You have to share the bathrooms with the other rooms, kind of like a boarding house.  But for $32.00 a night, with a free parking space?  In downtown Duluth?  You could do a lot worse (no, really you could, because there are some whore hotels downtown Duluth filled with meth heads that make this deal look pretty sweet).

I would also like to point out that there is free coffee and chocolate chip cookies in the lobby on this night.  And later that evening/morning, free doughnuts and coffee as well.  Also, they sell bags of chips and bottled water for a mere fifty cents apiece.  The night duty guy, a dark bearded dude with a quick smile, is helpful, friendly, and rather sweet.  So sweet, at one point I consider seeing if he ever fools around with the guests, but then decide (wisely) not to go there. 

I thank The Hunk profusely, and he wanders off.  It takes me awhile to get my logistics down – valuables, keys, and sex supplies still need to be secured in my locker in the basement, but everything else can be kept in my room.  I lay out my clothes for the next day.  At this point, having lost my load, I believe that my night is over.  I sit on the end of my bed and channel surf for a bit, contemplating my options.  Is this really all I came for Duluth for?  Granted, I had a kick-ass time with The Hunk, but is there something more to be had here?  After all, I have never done an overnight at the Sauna. So, other than the nice bed, what is the advantage of staying here? 

The Hunk suddenly pokes his head into my room, he asks how I’m doing.  I’m fine. He smiles and takes off.  What is he up to?  It’s at that moment that I realize that The Hunk gave me the best room in the place because… The Hunk has no intention of going to sleep!

This piques my curiosity. Checking the clock, I see it is only midnight.  I decide I simply must return to the netherworlds of this place and discover exactly what a night at the Sauna might entail.  I do so with the full knowledge that I have one last trick up my sleeve.  Something that I purposely sought out for this trip.  Something that I had hoped I would not need.  Something that can be a total disappointment or a total game changer.  Something whose success hinges on not just being physically prepared, but also being psychologically confident.  Yep, I’m talking about a little blue pill, called…

…Viagra!

End Part 4